igtow:

...that everyone can play with.

Here's the thing. I like collecting quotes, whether funny or profound, although I tend to collect more humour than philosophy. Below the cut are three of my favourites (and believe me, it was hard to pick just three), all humour, all ones that endangered my monitor.

What are yours? The only 'rules' I have are that they be from the Harry Potter-verse, that they be one quote, not a 'conversation', if you will, and that you let us know from what story and author it's taken. I don't care about pairing, or if it's out of context; most of us have already read a bunch of the stories, so I'm thinking we might already know, or it might be an excuse to find new ones. What I'm interested in is what made you laugh, or made you tear-up, or say every author's dream, "Wow!"

ETA: You might want to read the comments as well because there's some doozies in them and I'm adding more as people respond.


Snape to Hermione:
"And there I was thinking television was pointless. If I’d known they showed displays of monkey-fucking then I would have invested in one." Objects of Desire by Azreal

Snape to Harry:
'Would the Gryffindor golden boy be so kind as to fuck the Head of Slytherin into next week, please?' Care of Magical Teenagers by Barbarella

Snape to Harry:
"Mmm, yes, sodomizing the boy who lived into unconsciousness. I'll be most popular one in the playground," he grumbled, eyelids slowly lowering. Pledges by Amireal

So, what's yours?