Hmmm... Just after my daughter turned 11, she started a 'Goth' phase. You know--black nails, black lips, black make-up, black clothes, black mood, black poetry, dark music, just black, black, black unless it's red or dark purple. Blech. However, being the 'enlightened' mother that I am *cough* I didn't say much about the outside trappings except to deny her permission for black hair, tattoos, and industrial piercings (all of which require parental approval in this state if you're under 16). Needless to say, there was a pouting, sulking, fighting pre-teen in the house and I was clueless how to proceed.

So I did the whole, "Where did I go wrong?" guilt thing and came to the conclusion that only half of it could be laid to my working-mother doorstep, and the rest could be attributed to our culture and what was 'hip'. Blech. I decided at the time, that, while I can't change culture, I could change 'me' and so set about it. So over the next 5 years, I stopped working the overtime and used the extra time to take her to all her events. I stopped watching television and challenged her to do the same. We got 'into' Harry Potter together (and still exchange stories). I taught her about the environment and why consumerism was killing it. I even attempted to listen to her music, even the shocking and explicit shit (because, like, I hadn't listened to that myself?), which turned out to be not as bad as I thought (although if I never see a 'Hot Topic' again, it would be too soon). I helped her pick out black clothes and showed her the right way to apply black make-up (including a lesson on why cake liner is the best). If there was time I could spend with her, I did so. I tried to be supportive of her choices because, after all, her choice of clothes and music and make-up seemed pretty minor if she wasn't drinking, wasn't doing drugs, and was still a vigin. In other words, I stayed out of her face, but got smack-dab in the middle of her line-of-sight.

Eventually she started wearing other colours again (although never pink). And all that time, I thought it was just me having this grand epiphany, but have come to find out, there's others who are studying the phenomena as well. My thanks to Drusilla Dax for finding this article. I'm passing it on to you and would love to know your thoughts on it. The whole reason for the little blurb above is to let everyone know it's never too late to try to turn things around with our kids. So read this, all the way to the end--it's a bit long, but well worth it.

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/mail/fl20071104x1.html

And if you're wondering where her wonderful dad was in all this? *wifely chuckle* He's *just* come to terms with the end-results of puberty, and it didn't dawn on him until he watched her walk into her dorm as he was leaving her at college this last August that she's a living, stand-alone person now. Poor guy. I think the rest of it was just a blur. *G* Oh, and she did eventually get the piercings (a 3-turn spiral) and is looking to get the tattoo, but they're actually kinda cool and it *is* her decision now.